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Sweaters are on and little kids are leaving our building to walk up the hill to school. Last week, my husband Roberto packed up the car and left for his school up north. We have resumed our routine of weekdays apart and weekends together. So far, this year is easier than last, because as with most change, it is easier when you know what to expect.

Last month, I wrote to you about my full plate and the need to decide what to set down and what to pick up. I have been reflecting on this idea and talking to people about it, including a few conversations that came out of my last email letter.

When you are busy – don’t you find it is a bit more complicated than just re-evaluating your life and your time and saying no to a few things in order to make room for more? The advice we all get is to learn to just say no. It has been the advice I have followed and given plenty of times. I tell myself every time I overschedule and I tell my stretched thin clients – “Just take something off your plate.”

Is it really that easy? I don’t think it is. Yes, I should say no to a few more things. But there is a bigger question that wants to be asked, “Why does it seem like my packed calendar does not match what I want from my life or I thought I wanted from this season of my life?”

Before you say “yes” or say “no”, you need to know why. What do you value? What do you want from your life and your time?

Have you ever had a moment where you are not sure if your time matches your priorities, values or dreams? Maybe it is happening right now.

When reflecting on this for myself I came up with a different answer than I expected.

As this busy summer ended I felt like my time had been packed to the gills and I had an uneasy feeling that I was missing something. I had spent my time doing more work with clients than ever before. And more time with my husband and immediate family.

I checked in with myself and asked “Is how I am using my time matching with my priorities and values?”

The knee-jerk reflection was NO! I “should” have had more time this summer swimming in lakes. I missed seeing friends!

Then I reflected further and realized that something else had shifted. Normally, being outside and with friends is what is important to me during the summer. I love my friends! Yet I was delivered two amazing gifts this summer – my business is growing and my husband, who usually does not live in the same town as me, was home all summer. My priorities have changed for the time being. I put my husband, close family and business first. My calendar reflects a change in priorities.

My mind did not catch up and felt like something was left behind. And it was. When your priorities shift, even momentarily, you do have to say good bye to other things. You have to make hard choices.

Maybe this is true for you too. Maybe something in your life has shifted. External circumstances beyond your control can completely change what you need to focus your time on. It can take a while for our brain to catch up with the change.

When you feel like what you spend your time doing is not in line your priorities and values you may begin to feel sick – physically or emotionally. Your body knows when you aren’t living in a way that is true to your core needs or when you have not acknowledged a shift that is happening or needs to happen in your life.

Perhaps, right now you are feeling great about what you do with your days. For the most part, what you spend your time doing matches what you care about and what you want to move forward in your life.  If this is the case in your life right now, reflect on that and then CELEBRATE the HECK out of it!

However if, like me, you find that your time is not being spent in a way that matches your values and priorities. The first trick is to notice this. Maybe your priorities have changed. Maybe your time has been overtaken by outside forces.

Here are a few reflection questions to help you figure out if your calendar does not match with your priorities or values and WHY:

• Has something in your external world changed?
• Has this change brought about a change in your priorities or how you need to spend your time?
• Have you changed?
• What are you craving from your life now? In the future?
• What are the most important things to you right now? The people? The things you want to support?
• Does your calendar reflect your priorities, hopes and values?
• AND does your calendar have breathing room for you?

It can be hard to look at how we spend our time against what we care about and what our goals are. If we look closely it could mean a major life shift is happening or needs to happen. It could also mean we will need to change behaviors.  The tricky thing is if you do not take a look at your priorities and your time, that disconnect can lead to continuous stress and even worse, illness.

If your calendar does not reflect your priorities and values, what are the small changes you can make?

What might be the bigger changes you could examine?

Be gentle and take a look. See if your priorities and time align. What has to shift?

What if you really, really don’t like where you work and it just isn’t getting better?

I have written quite a few posts on “making it work at work.” I’ve written about not defining yourself by your work, how to take breaks, how to ask for what you need, and how to survive in the job you have.

But what if all of those suggestions just aren’t enough?

What if everything in you is telling you to leave? Or perhaps a tiny voice is whispering… This is not good for you… not good.

Now, maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “But Annie, I love my job.” Or you like your job. Or perhaps you think your job is just fine. There is still something in this post for you. In life there are things we need to quit or stop doing because they are no longer good for us. So even if you love your job, read on.

If you’re reading this and you are stuck in a job you hate — this is a reminder that it is possible to enjoy your work!

There are four overarching reasons you may feel like quitting your job (or ending something major in your life):

1. It is really hard right now.

2. It was the right fit at some point, but now it’s not.

3. You are burned out.

4. Your workplace is toxic and bad for your heart, mind and body.

Does something on that list sound familiar? The first step is identifying that something is wrong. And then you can begin to look at why you feel like quitting. Maybe you’re not sure. Maybe you’re sure but you don’t know what to do about it. Stay tuned for Part Two of this series! We’ll unpack each of those reasons — and some possible solutions — in my next post. Because there ARE things you can do.

For now, here’s a good place to start:  Talk to someone outside of your job — someone you trust. Tell them how you are feeling. Figure out how to take more breaks during your workday. Perhaps you can even take a long weekend and spend some time enjoying nature. This will help for now.

And don’t forget to breathe.

Stay tuned for the next two posts in this series.

In the next few weeks I will be writing about making things “work at work.” I will give you thoughts and tips for coping and thriving in an intense workplace. In these blogs, I will be thinking about my amazing clients who work for non-profits and for-profits. Both are high stress jobs. Most places people work are stressful environments nowadays.

The basic equation looks like this:

Less money to hire employees + more work to be done = fewer employees doing more.

A lot of what happens in an organization is not in our control. However, we do play a role in team dynamics, our work product, our outlook, and our own stress management. In this series I will focus on the things we can control.

When your work is really hard…

projects stacking up all around you…
demands to do more with less…
unhappy clients and customers…
a gossipy, complaining co-worker…
a boss that does not understand your workload…
…these are the days you feel like you need to put your head down and just plow through.

These are the days you are heading toward burnout. Too many of these days in a row and it may be really hard to find anything good about your work.

This is a critical time. It is when you need a BIG reminder that you are NOT your work.

Say it out loud. Get in your car after work and declare:

I AM NOT MY WORK!

Even if you do work that does real good in this world — like growing food or teaching children:

I AM NOT MY WORK!

Even if you are really good at your work — like delivering the best service to grumpy customers or perfectly stitching up someone’s wound:

I AM NOT MY WORK!

Even if your primary work is raising your own children. They are very close to your own identity, but your children are not you.

I AM NOT MY PARENTING!

So then what?

Well, when the work is really tough (or even when it is peachy) a great way to stay sane is to do things outside your work and your family — things that will remind you of your “you-ness”.
Put the work down and do something for yourself. Something that makes you feel like you.

What if you don’t know what that is?

Start by spending a little time alone. Perhaps write about things you enjoy. What makes you feel cozy and content? What restores and energizes you? You’ll start to see the best ways to get in touch with you.

Here are a few activities that will help you remember you are more than your work:

• A walk or bike ride by yourself
• Time out for coffee or tea (without work, electronic devices, or media)
• Lunch alone, away from your desk
• A few extra minutes in bed in the morning to say hi to yourself
• A quick chat with yourself in the mirror
• Writing about anything that is not your work
• A creative project you can work on for few moments each day — something just for you. (Knit a few rows, work on your bike, cook something yummy.)

Why do this?

Because taking a little bit of time away from the work and reconnecting to yourself reminds you that you are not your work.

Then, when you are at work and stuff is hitting the fan you can think:

“I am going to do my best with this, but you know what? How I do this work right now is not all there is and not all of who I am.”

That sense of separation from the work will increase your ability to actually do the work.

Wild? I know.

Now take yourself for a walk.