Less Stress More Joy

What to do when your vacation isn’t a vacation

August 21, 2024

In our leadership membership, Clear Harbor, we are discussing “rest and action for freedom,” which has me thinking about my own relationship with rest (and action), how to build more rest into a busy schedule, and take time off for rest.

Have you had the experience of taking time off from work to go on a vacation (or staying home to vacation) and not being rested at the end of that long weekend or week?

This happens to me more than I would like to admit.
Setting aside the time and resources to take a real break is also work. When that break does not give you time for rest, relaxation, or restoration, it is a letdown.

Here are a few suggestions for what to do when a vacation does not equal rest:

Notice and acknowledge that you did not get rest from a break.
Try to be kind to yourself (and others who were with you) as you do this.
The only way to give yourself what you need is to notice when you don’t have it.
Harness the shift in your perspective.
Usually, a break will give you a new perspective on your current life (even if it does not give you rest). This is an opportunity to make a subtle change.
What did this time away show you that you could have more or less of in your day-to-day life?
Add rest in now!
It is not too late. Take advantage of the change in schedule and routine.
Go to bed early. Sneak away from work during a lunch break.
What did you crave during your vacation that you did not get? A walk, a book, a moment alone, a celebratory dinner…

That “longing” tells you something you can do RIGHT NOW in a small moment.

It may seem indulgent – but you could give yourself a single “sick” day in the next two weeks and “check” a few of your rest desires off your list.

Does that sound divine and mischievous? YES! Do it!
Evaluate for the next time.
What could you do differently before and during your vacation to add rest?
What boundaries can you set for yourself or with loved ones next time?
What did you learn about what vacations give you rest and restoration and which don’t?

Now you know – take one lesson and practice it on your next time off.

I’ve got you if you don’t have any time off and are in go mode right now. Check out my blog post for tips on adding rest when you are busy.

Let me know – have you had a time when a vacation was not a vacation? What did you do to recoup after your non-vacation?

…

Simple tips to add rest into a busy summer schedule

July 22, 2024

It is summer in the Pacific Northwest, and as I have shared, for many people, summer is supposed to be a time of rest and relaxation. However, the Pacific Northwest’s culture, and especially the Seattle area, is one of sun and outdoor scarcity.

Many of us feel we have a finite amount of time to be outside doing dozens of activities with all the people we love. And most of us are still working and caring for others, too.

Ironically, this equals more pressure to “enjoy and relax” with more things to do and even accomplish.

It can be a mind-bending experience.
I am first trying to deal with this by being honest with myself.
I want to do “all the things” this summer and fit it all in. At the same time, my professional work does not slow down, and family caretaking and coordination increase.

This particular summer, my partner Roberto and I have agreed that we need to have less stress and more regulated nervous systems. This is a requirement for a few things we are navigating with our family this season.

So how do you do this… reduce stress, increase rest and regulation when the pressure is on to get it ALL DONE, and have a great dang time doing it?

I want to share ways to rest inside of a busy time.

But first, what is “rest?”
Here are a few definitions to help you determine whether you are resting…

“A period of time in which you relax, do not do anything active, or sleep.” – Cambridge Dictionary

“To rest means to relax into something and let it support you.”
“To take a short break from one’s activities in order to relax.” – Vocabulary.com

Okay—now we are reminded that resting is not about doing more; it is, if possible, about relaxing and maybe even sleeping!

Here are my tips and tricks for building in more rest:

Recognize the Pockets
Look for the little pockets already in your life and schedule where you can rest.
Notice them and lean back into them.

When are things slower and quieter?
When is there a natural pause between one activity and the next?
When is there a moment of waiting? In a line? A doctor’s office? A train?

Take those little pockets and let them be rest moments. You take a breath. You sit quietly. You stand for a moment and notice your feet.

When you notice the pull to take out your phone you can say to yourself – “ah I am giving myself a little rest.”

Retreat
Get up, walk away from the table, desk, or computer, and find a few moments of rest.

Lay down on the couch and set a timer for 10-15 minutes.
Take your coffee outside and sit on a front step without your screen or device.
Turn toward a window, watch things around you, or notice a plant or animal.

Replace
Replace the scrolling with seeing what your body needs.
Replace the “doing one more thing” with pausing and breathing.
Replace the screen with a little sleep.
Replace the taking a picture with being present to what you see.

You get the point. 😉

Reduce
Okay, this one is annoying!
You may be like…. ”Annie, you said rest inside of a busy time!”

Y’all, honestly, the only way to get more rest is to do less.

This is so basic and yet hard to do that it is obnoxious, but most of us don’t stop DOING, and we are TIRED.

If you want more time to feel good in your body and be less grumpy with those you love… you have to reduce the number of things you take on.

Now different people (and times in life) require different activity levels.
You know you. You can probably determine whether you need to reduce a few things.

The basics of this skill are:
1. Take something you feel you “should do” but don’t need to do.
2. Stop doing it.
3. Say, “I am not available.” Say, “Oh, I wish I could, but I’ve overcommitted myself.”

This is my hardest one AND the one that gains me the most rest.
The trick is to NOT put more “doing” in the place of the thing you reduced.
Instead, REST FIRST – start with lying down on the floor!

A note:
Adding more rest when the pressure is on can be difficult.
In the long term, to avoid burnout, your body and mind need longer, sustained periods of rest and ongoing rest practices. I will share a few additional ways to increase rest in the coming months.

The go-to resource for Rest & Liberation – Tricia Hersey:

A fabulous teacher and resource for rest is Tricia Hersey & The Nap Ministry

“Rest is a form of resistance because it pushes back and disrupts white supremacy and capitalism.
Our bodies are a site of liberation. And that brings into the somatics the idea that wherever our bodies are, we can find rest.”

– Rest as Resistance Tenets #1 & #2, Tricia Hersey

Tricia Hersey on NPR

Tricia Hersey’s book – Rest is Resistance: a Manifesto

The Nap Ministry’s Rest Deck

Recalibrate, listen and explore: a mid-summer check-in

August 3, 2023

How are you doing this season?

Over here in the northwest, summer is a noteworthy season. Why? Because there is incredible fruit and warmth and no rain or snow. Everyone is out and about. It brings a particular kind of delight AND in like matter a frantic, frenetic energy. People want to do everything… sit by a body of water, drive to a mountain, eat ripe peaches and corn. See all the people they love.

I feel this delight and pressure too. And now, with a child, I have the added urge of wanting him to experience it all and feel connected to the land where he lives and the joy of being outside with people we love.

This season highlights the push and pull I feel at this time in my life. I want to be present and soak in the joys and delights around me as a human on this earth – noticing the color and texture of bumble bees and butterflies, laughter, and the feel of my feet in cold, glacier streams. I want to be in this moment of life with my child – muddy hands, skinned-up knees, a face sticky sweet, holding hands with a summer friend. I want to make spacious room for my clients to recalibrate, listen, explore, and make plans that build toward bigger possibilities. Additionally, there is a list of hopes for my partner, family, community, and self.

What are all the pieces of summer you are holding? What do you want to feel and experience this season?

I have moments of inner struggle and grumpiness because it is not possible to make all of these things happen simultaneously inside linear time.

Again, I remind myself that I cannot do it all.

So how do I find my way toward these intentions for the rest of summer without overwhelm?

Here is what I do to reset and reduce stress:

Name my intentions (see above)
Name my constraints (time, energy, other people, etc.)
Look for supports
Simplify (where can I do less, where can I lower internal or external expectations)
Overcommunicate and calendar with my partner (and key colleagues or family)
Build in slowdowns (when am I pausing to check in with my body)
Offer gratitude out loud at the moment for what I am seeing and the humans around me
Be okay with an unconventional work schedule (as long as I have solid boundaries in place)
Use a metaphor for the season to remind me of my intention

It is not too late to invite in a different way to be during this summer (or the next season) – if you feel frenetic, frustrated, “blah”, or disconnected. It may be cheesy, but it is also true; every day, you have an opportunity to reset your intentions and actions.

Today I intend to dig into key client communications and connections, eat a juicy peach, and sit outside with my son in the late summer afternoon.

Want reflection questions to support your reset? Check out more below.

Here is to a fruitful summer,

Annie

If you find this info helpful, please consider joining my email list. You’ll get helpful tools and learn about the practices I use for myself and to help leaders and teams gain clarity, work collaboratively, and discover a deeper sense of purpose, connection, and joy.

There’s a difference between rest and reflection. Spoiler alert: You need both.

May 17, 2022

“Being a leader is not about production; it’s about being there for the people I lead, support, and serve. And I need to prepare myself to be a decent human being so that
I can be there for others and be approachable.”
– Andrew, Clear Harbor member

I have to exist as a human to show up at work. And when I show up as a cog and a machine, I feel the least fulfilled in my life.”
– Shannon, Clear Harbor member

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had many conversations about rest and reflection. We talked about why it’s important and how to fit it into our busy lives. The two quotes I shared above were from those conversations and examples of why we must find time to rest and reflect individually and in groups if we want to show up as leaders in our lives.

Rest can happen when you reflect, but rest is not always reflection time. Sometimes the reflection piece gets left behind. We hear a lot about self-care and well-being on the topic of rest. But often, reflection is missing.

Leaders, in particular, need both rest and reflection to:

keep going,
keep leading,
stay in their role (and lane),
not burn out,
make decisions, and
recognize that pauses are necessary.

Leaders need built-in time to reflect on themselves. The results? You avoid bringing knee-jerk reactions and your own bias to your team. We must reflect internally first before we can show up and lead a reflection with others. Reflection can bring you back to your why and passion and help you feel human. Time for reflection for yourself and then in groups is a critical tool for building a more equitable and inclusive workplace.

“Your goal is not to stick to a given schedule at all costs; it’s instead to maintain, at all times,
a thoughtful say in what you’re doing with your time.”
– Cal Newport, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World

Most times, teams will retrospect at the end of a project by looking at how things went, what worked, what didn’t work, and what can be improved. But you can do this at any time as a team! Build those moments into groups in the arc of the process with reflection points to pause and observe.

I build rest and reflection into meetings – we stop, take a breath, take a break, and look away from the screens and each other. We write on our own before we share in the group. These practices are critical when building your team and group processes.

At times, I work with teams after they’ve missed opportunities to reflect – on the big picture or on cultural dynamics. They always had lots of work to complete but little time to reflect. The good news? It’s never too late to change this. We can find time to reflect.

You CAN build in time to reflect starting now to avoid big crises and conflicts in the future. When you practice slowing down and reflecting now, you will remember how to do it in the middle of stressful moments and not leap into fast decision-making based on assumptions and stories. When we slow down and recognize our own biases, we change how we do things. That’s one step toward making our work more equitable and inclusive.

This is one reason I created Clear Harbor for leaders – more here if you’re intrigued.
Clear Harbor is a built-in time for groups of people to reflect outside of the day-to-day pressures to respond.
It’s a commitment on your calendar to other people.
It’s a space to step back and reflect with a more significant viewpoint.

We not only show you it’s possible to build this into your workday, but we show you how.

I promised you a list of ways to build in time for rest and reflection. You can grab the list here. Remember, this isn’t MY list. These thoughts and ideas are from friends, clients, colleagues, and maybe even from you. Browse the list and see if anything sparks your interest. Try a few of the ideas yourself.

How can you build reflection into your day?

Keep your tank full

March 15, 2022

I feel sadness and worry, anger and fear as a new war begins, and the rights of trans kids and families, LGBTQ+ people and communities, and women are under attack.

When is it going to end?

“It” isn’t going to end. We must continue to get better at being in “it” and responding with peace, courage, resolve, resilience, joy, and outrage.

We need to maintain nourishing waters within.

You will need to keep your internal stores up to stay awake to others, your team, your responsibilities, and the struggle, traumas, and injustice around us.

What do I mean?

You have an internal storehouse of energy to draw from, and it needs reserves. You need to know you have the vitality to respond to your basic needs and solve problems.

If subconsciously you know that you do not have enough energy to keep yourself and others needs plus your work afloat – parts of you will shut down. Your body and mind will shut parts of your operating system down to conserve the little energy you have left. The components that stop working well can include the part of you that can respond to the needs of others. And the parts of you that can vision, imagine, hope, and problem solve.

You may stop listening to the joys and pains of others when you feel parched.

You could stop listening to the joys of your life and the needs of yourself when you feel depleted.

Your strength is always in you.

However, access is blocked.

Getting depleted can happen in two simple ways:

Not enough nourishment is coming into your system.
There is a great strain on your being that is causing lots of output.

There are two ways to enrich your soil, fill up your cup, and increase your stores.

Nourish your system.

Decrease the strain on your system.

It is simple and requires self-awareness, outside support, and letting go.

Use the check-in tool of “Tending, Tuning In, Checking In, & Changing” to find out what you can do to keep your energy flowing.

Please – so many of us are running on empty. Dear friend – take a moment to check in and give yourself what you need to restore. You are needed for the long haul. This journey is not over. However, we cannot keep going on empty.

Download this check-in tool here!

A note about decreasing the strain on your system:

There are times when you cannot do anything about what is straining you. These could be moments when tremendous caretaking of others is needed. Times of urgent, necessary deadlines. Times of significant change. Times of loss. Times of violence and trauma.

In these straining moments, you do the best you can do. You ask for support. And find the easiest, minimal ways to take care. You hold on. And give yourself as much love, space, and grace as possible.

P.S.
I wanted to share a poem and essay with you. My partner & beloved Roberto Ascalon was asked to re-imagine Seattle. It is a reminder of all we are experiencing in this time –loss, politics, the pandemic, racial reckonings, injustice, love. Also, it is a glimpse into our small family life during this big moment in time.

A few places you can take action and take care:

Grief practices From Valerie Kaur
Donate to Ukraine (from Valerie Kaur)
Support LGBTQ rights – ACLU, Human Rights Campaign

How to tap into more joy when you need it most

August 25, 2021

In these last days of summer, our house is full of family, people and things are everywhere. Plates of food with warm stone fruit next to plates of food with fried rice. People yelling each other’s names from across the tiny house. I am grateful and full of connection.

Mind you, I am also an introvert, and I took a few days out alone, away from all my family before this next batch of sweetness arrived. I needed time to connect first to myself, to say “oh hello there Annie.” I needed time to be outside. My body and being need time near the water in stillness to recalibrate my inner compass. I am grateful for a supportive partner who did the household preparations for a month of family time so that I could have alone time. I am grateful for the moments we can be outside in the woods or near a river.

Now, in this house full of people from 80 to 4 years old, I am feeling joy. I am feeling the joy of good food, of laughter, of stories shared with our son. I am delighting in the feeling of creating a life with this wild family.

And when I was alone with my thoughts, books, and a shoreline, I felt joy. I felt the joy that comes when you notice the sound of water moving at the same time as a bird call.

—

It is not all sunshine and ease, we’ve had major changes in life plans in the last month that caused stress. We are navigating the fires and the virus with apprehension and sadness. We are listening to the news from around the world and our own town – people navigating devastation and loss of life, lands, homes, and rights. We are fielding phone calls from friends and family about illnesses.

This is to say – the connection is essential. Amid all the changes, and our own and other’s fights for a safer and more just world – we need to remember our connections to each other, to ourselves, to the natural world, to our experiences, our breaths, our stories, and the bigger picture.

And the connections lead to joy. And we all need joy. Joy is a reminder of delight and “aliveness” in the middle of the mess and the heartaches.

This week think about using connection as a source of joy.

What do you need to connect to right now to make a little room for joy?
Who do you need to connect to now?

Want to dive deeper into what joy can be and how to access it? Here is a quick video for you to go further into this practice and how to apply it even in a work setting.

Guess what? I asked a few amazing communities I am a part of what they do to build joy. The answers form an inspiring list you can use to build joy & connection into your life anytime – especially when you need it most.

Get it here!

Want to share this joy-building list and video with a friend so you can inspire each other? Send them this link to share for free!

Looking for genuine connections in your professional life?
Clear Harbor is a community of fellow leaders who practice equity and make room for joy!

Get on the waitlis t before the doors open in September.

How to make and maintain healthy connections

July 20, 2021

Are you finding yourself getting clearer right now on who you want to be in relationships with or what you need from the relationships around you?

As I begin to see friends and clients in person, I am acutely aware of what I missed, what I need, and what I want to offer.

I know how important my connections are to the people in my life because of the distance we had to have between us. I am grateful for the connections in my life because of the immense support I received from colleagues, clients, friends, and family in the last year.

A few weeks ago, I offered you a check-in to assure your personal and professional connections are healthy and supportive on many fronts.

(In case you missed it here you go…)

Perhaps you have found yourself longing for connections in your life that are joyful, supportive, diverse, and value-aligned.

A reminder it is a lot to ask any one person to be all these things for you all the time! We need to continue to cultivate old and new relationships for our well-being.

Today I am giving you a quick set of reminders for how to make and maintain healthy connections in your professional and personal life.

We can all use people in our lives who have our back, remind us of joy, support our learning, and ensure that we continue to become better versions of ourselves.

May your July bring you healthy new and old connections!

Has this note made you think of someone who supported you in the last year? Send them a quick text telling them you appreciate them!

4 essential human connections we all need right now

July 7, 2021

Connections to other humans keep us learning and growing.

Healthy human connections provide us with love and support (even in the workplace).

Our relationships to each other can increase our joy, fun, and happiness.

Social connections have been proven to help us regulate emotions, have higher empathy, reduce anxiety & depression and even improve our immune system.*

We need each other.

And we need more than one or two people in our lives.

We cannot be everything to everyone.

And no one person in our life, can be everything to you, or their family, or their work teams.

We need a diversity of social connections and interactions to be fed and keep going.

(Don’t worry fabulous introverts this doesn’t mean you have to be interacting all the time with a dozen other humans either!)

How can you have relationships around you that support your health, and growth as a human?

I made this quick “audit” for you to think about what your current connections are offering you (and you are offering them) and how to have an even greater level of support and joy from the different relationships in your life.

Check out the video here:

May you have social connections around you that hold you up and support you in all parts of your life.

Looking for a new place to build supportive professional relationships?

Clear Harbor waitlist is now open!

Are you a leader committed to a more equitable and just world looking for a space away from your current work team to reflect, build relationships, and problem solve?

The next cohorts of Clear Harbor are opening in September!

Get on the waitlist now to get more information when the doors open.

This year there will be two kinds of cohorts.
Cohorts for leaders with a high-level of decision-making authority and responsibility (job titles like CEO, ED and Director) AND cohorts for leaders who lead from within in their business or organization (any job title).

Wanting more support from a community of leaders committed to inclusion, equity, and anti-racism?

Jump on the waitlist and I will be in touch.

The first hug in a year

June 9, 2021

I gave my first hug to a friend I hadn’t hugged in over a year. I felt a mix of tenderness, joy, relief, sadness, and distance. The feelings surprised me. I expected sheer delight – I love this person SO much! Instead, I think the hug was exactly what is meant by the word bittersweet.

I recognized something else in that hug and subsequent first hugs after. My feelings right now are different than I assumed. They are milder and murkier than I expect. I think this is because for the last year, I was not able to have many nuanced emotions.

My mind has been locked down tight. I was focused on attending to the safety and wellbeing of my family and the community. I watched Covid take people’s lives, wellbeing, and livelihood. I witnessed the racial reckoning of our country with held breath and continued to find what I must do and undo professionally and personally to be a part of ending racism. I observed friends navigating hardships from a distance and did my best to send love. I supported clients in their huge lifts to carry on their missions.

This last year I felt sad, and angry. At times I felt grateful and glimmers of sweet joy. And that was it.

My focus was tight and that was necessary, but it had its repercussions.

I did not make room for a larger reflection on what was missing.

My spectrum of thinking, feeling, and experiencing was constrained to attend to the immediacy of survival and to respond to immediate personal and societal concerns.

This is not a new thing for humans. We all close in our emotions, and perspective in our daily lives in moments of pressure, trauma, conflict, violence, and loss.

As tender and quieter thoughts and emotions emerge, I can feel the shape of the cold, exterior container I built to get through the last year. I do not want to be in that container but I know it will take awhile to set it down.

I want to share with you the slow ways I am dancing with the re-emergence of a fuller spectrum of emotions and thoughts. (I am not a trauma-expert, so I am including other resources below.)

You can better see and support others in your work and life, if you tend to where you are emotionally, mentally, and even physically, in this transition.

Here is what is supporting me:

I am paying attention to how I am feeling in the moment.

I am moving at the speed I can and trying to understand what others may be feeling or experiencing (i.e. go at your own pace and support others in their own pace.)
I am building connections with people who can listen without judgement or shame and whom I can offer the same to.
I am reflecting alone with walks, movement, and writing.
I am finding moments of appreciation, thinking “I appreciate this… I appreciate you for…” and then letting the appreciation sink in.

The cliff notes:

Notice your feelings.
Go at your own pace.
Know and understand other peoples’ pace.
Connect with others who can listen, and you can listen to.
Reflect alone.
Appreciate the people, moments, the things you can.

Reflection questions to go deeper alone or together:
– What have I been feeling about…
– What am I feeling now about…
– What do I need? What do you need?
– What am I experiencing right now?
– What do I want to take with me from last year?

May you have moments of real connection with others and with yourself this month.

Here are two guides from the past months to support in this continued time of transition:

5 steps for grounding during instability
How to prepare for reopening

Trauma, grief & tending to emotions – a mix of resources

People on Insta for support & resources:
@nedratawwab – Nedra Tawwab
@Alex_elle – alexandra elle

Websites
Self-compassion – Dr. Kristin Neff’s resources & meditations
Cloud Sangha – facilitated mindfulness groups, including groups for people of color and women
Spell for grief & letting go – adrienne maree brown

Movie
The Wisdom of Trauma movie – Dr. Gabor Mate

Books
The Body is not an apology, Sonya Renee Taylor
The Body keeps the score, Dr. van der Kolk
No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering, Thich Nhat Hanh
Walking each other home: Conversations on loving and dying, Ram Dass & Mirabai Bush
The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity, Nadine Burke Harris

Thank you to my social work colleagues for these resources!
Have others I should include in my list? – Please send your recommendations.

How I am preparing before we open back up (it might not be what you expect)

March 15, 2021

Here, in the Pacific Northwest, flowers are beginning to peek up out of the ground. The days are getting longer. A smattering of them have been without rain. Which means there are less mud puddles. That means a lot less loads of wash for me to run. 🙂

Thankfully, some of my family have managed to get their Covid shots. In most places, infection rates are reducing as opposed to rising.

I find myself thinking… perhaps I should be feeling more relief. More hope.

Yet, I find myself sitting with a strange mix of emotions these last weeks. Here are the words that come to mind as I try to name them: exhaustion, wariness, nostalgia, sadness, hope, gratefulness, and grief. As we face the prospect of returning to gather in person, my hope and relief is mixed with powerful reminders of what family, friends and community have had to endure this past year – the loss of time spent together, the loss of jobs and security, the loss of loved ones.

That’s when I begin to notice my posture of “just put your head down, Annie, get through it, push on.” This is not the first time in my life I’ve used this survival technique. It works. For a short time. But it takes a toll when I do it for long enough.

You see, in order for me to “push through” I must also actively avoid feeling my own emotions – both negative and positive. That includes empathy, grief, tenderness, and gratefulness. This year provided me with moment-to-moment opportunities to both experience and avoid my feelings. Because of the intense magnifying glass our lives have been under this last year – I am noticing the moments I’ve avoided my feelings in order to simply “push through”.

The key for me moving towards hope and accessing my ability to open myself back up to people and public space, is to move myself from a posture of avoidance into a position of allowing myself to experience my own feelings. I am doing this now… ever so gently.

Here is how I am opening myself up to the feeling of hope and the learnings of the last year:

I am focusing especially on my feelings of grief and gratitude.

I am noticing in a specific way. It’s a technique coming out of mindfulness and Buddhism.

I try to be aware of any feelings I may be experiencing in the moment. Then, I see if I can slow down and acknowledge the feeling, whatever it may be. It goes something like this:

“Hello there, sadness.”
and
“Whew, here it comes again… I’m missing someone…”
and
“Wow, I am so grateful for…”

I say to myself or (if appropriate) to those around me, just what it is that I am feeling. I offer appreciations out loud when I am experiencing gratitude.

I try to offer some variation of Valerie Kaur’s offering around grief if I am grieving with or because of something someone else is experiencing, “You are grieving, but you are not grieving alone. I am here with you.”

I let the feeling remain with me. Till the next one comes.

Then, I am practicing being quiet and present in the moment. (You know me – this is taking a lot of practice!)

This is not new information. It is centuries old and across traditions. However, there is a reason we continue to strive to learn it – it is hard work & it is life changing.

Here is what happens when I allow myself to notice & experience my emotions, especially grief and gratitude:

I experience more love and connection in my life, and less resentment.
I give love and acknowledgement to those I am with, allowing them the opportunity to feel loved and appreciated.
I can stay in the present moment, which reduces worry, anxiety, and fear of the future,
I feel human and notice the humanity in others.
When I notice gratitude – it expands and unearths more appreciation. Gratitude and appreciation can coexist with pain and grief.
I move through the emotions so that unexpected emotions are less likely to surface later, which reduces the harm I enact on myself and others.

It can be hard.

I am still head down, barrel through at times. And that is okay.

However, the more I drop into my emotions and the lessons they point to, the more prepared I am to keep showing up as a human being.

As I practice feeling more, I process more of the incredible lessons and hard moments of the last few years. As I sit with the grief and the gratitude, I find myself learning how to be a better friend, partner, and teammate. I recognize that I have more capacity than I imagined.

And that gives me hope.

What are you feeling right now?
What emotions are you paying attention to?
What are they teaching you?

May we allow each other the space to feel as we enter a new time of transition.

Feelings and emotions too overwhelming right now? Here is a place to go for support: NAMI Hotline

Want more resources to support feeling your emotions, supporting others in their grief, and practicing gratitude?

Here are a few offers:

See no stranger, Valarie Kaur, The People’s Inauguration and other learnings
A guide to transition from winter to spring, Kirin Bhatti
Lama Rod Owens – Acknowledging emotions meditation
Tara Brach – Pause for Presence
Untamed, Glennon Doyle
Emotional Agility, Susan David

Need examples? Here is what this looks like in real-time:

Grief

I am feeling grief for the lost time with people I love.
It hits me in a pang in my chest.
I sit with it and I say to myself, “Whew there is that feeling of missing and loss.”
I send a message or call when I can to tell the person I miss that I love them.

Gratitude

There is always more to do in our house, with our child, in my work. It is easy to get bogged down.
I am practicing noticing when my family is actively working on supporting someone else in the house or helping with a household task (which is actually very often).
I try and see it in the moment or shortly after and let them know I am grateful for what they are doing and/or I am grateful for them.