Practice

Finding Strength in Support: Preventing Burnout in Challenging Times

September 24, 2024
Finding Strength in Support: Preventing Burnout in Challenging Times

It’s the end of a quarter and the end of a season. I am feeling both a wind-up toward the end of the year (and yes the election in the US) and a wind-down into what can and cannot fit into this calendar year’s time.

Lately, I have been working with a few clients, making big things happen in their worlds and organizations or businesses. People are activating new visions and directions, trying out new ways of working in their teams, updating their entire structure, or growing teams and budgets to double the year before.

We are experiencing major transitions and are preparing—this time with a little more awareness—for the possibility of even greater transitions.

I feel it.
Do you feel it?

If you feel the rapidness of transitions and changes on the horizon, the rest of this post is for you (even if you aren’t in a big transformation or high-stress moment).

With all the changes happening, many of the folks I work with are pushing harder than before. They are working to move big ideas into action—fast. They need to show up for many disparate team members to support their emotions through the transitions. 

When we push fast, go at a nonstop pace, and feel like a lot of human well-being is at stake, it can lead to overwhelm, nonstop stress, and, if we don’t slow down… burnout.

I am worried that burnout is right around the corner for many of us.

So I wanted to offer an anecdote to burnout that may be different than you are thinking about…

YES to avoid burnout… 
↘ find short breaks and pauses,
↘ connect with other passions and identities outside where you spend most of your time,  
↘ take longer breaks, and reduce what you are “doing.” 

(Okay – sorry – if even reading that is stressful… and you are like, “HOW ANNIE!” Keep reading because the following is a first STEP before you even take a short break.)

What is the number one way to avoid burnout?

Get help.

Getting support is one of the best ways to avoid burnout and reduce the stress of rapid changes and future instabilities.


The belief that leads to burnout

What leads to burnout and overwhelm is the belief (and the action that follows that belief) that we have to be the ones to do it all and get it all done. And even be the ones to carry out the ideal version of our vision for the future.

You may also be inside a culture (country, institution, family) that feeds the belief that it is all on you. 

You alone must complete the project, see the vision through, and do it well with little support. If you ask for help, “you are fill in the blank (weak, incompetent, inadequate, powerless).”

When you go it alone this leads to exhaustion and, inevitably, burnout.

(See a definition of burnout in the resources.)


Types of support

At least three kinds of help can pull you back from the edge and bring you back to yourself and life’s natural ebb and flow.

Types of support that reduce stress during challenge and change:

  1. Listening and accompaniment
  2. Offering resources, advice, expertise
  3. Taking on some of the workload

Ideally, you stack ALL of these types of support in times of stress.


Asking for support

At times of overwhelm, it can be hard to ask for support. 

However, the first step is noticing you need support and telling someone you need help. This could be a few trusted colleagues or loved ones. 

An act of support could be – someone who first helps you think about what help you need!

Here are a few prompts for asking for support – straight from my life!

  • “Sashya, I am juggling a lot right now and feeling stretched. Could you help me one day next week with school pick-up so I can be alone for 30 minutes?”
  • “Rachel, I can’t finish the notes on my upcoming projects. Do you have room in your scope of work to help me with the notes for my upcoming projects in November and December?”
  • “I am hosting a party for our mutual colleague. I am wondering, since you are coming would you have time to pick up banh mi on the way?


Examples

Here are a few examples of support I have asked for and received over the last few years…

  • Childcare pick up
  • Consulting project facilitation
  • Client project thought partnership
  • Project management and mapping out new internal processes
  • Coaching around business development 

Personally, asking for support is vulnerable. I see myself as a caregiver and supporter of others. I see myself as a fixer and problem solver. I do not want to be a burden, and as an only child and a white woman – I am constantly worried I will be seen as self-absorbed! Oh and I love the control that comes with being the one to take care of the project, task and make the decision. 

Perhaps you can relate to a few of those? 

Why is it hard for you to ask for support?

What are ways you have asked for support in the past that have reduced your stress or helped you carry out your vision?


Caveat

I know there are times when our on-the-ground reality is nearly impossible; even with support, it is exhausting and nonstop. There are times when we are living on the edge and in a time of trauma and survival. This is still a time to seek out whatever support you can and, simultaneously, be compassionate toward yourself, offer grace, and acknowledge that your reality is hard right now. Getting support is not guaranteed to end the suffering, yet we were meant to be in community even when life is painful. If this is where you are right now, may you find people who will accompany and walk alongside you.


Resources

Definition of Burnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski:
“Burnout” can be defined by three components: 1. emotional exhaustion, 2. depersonalization, and 3. a decreased sense of accomplishment.

Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski on Burnout and How to Complete the Stress Cycle

“Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything all at once. Breathe. You’re strong. You got this. Take it day by day.” – Karen Salmansohn

“If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.” – Banksy

Rheanna SmithFinding Strength in Support: Preventing Burnout in Challenging Times
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What to do when your vacation isn’t a vacation

August 21, 2024
What to do when your vacation isn’t a vacation

In our leadership membership, Clear Harbor, we are discussing “rest and action for freedom,” which has me thinking about my own relationship with rest (and action), how to build more rest into a busy schedule, and take time off for rest.

Have you had the experience of taking time off from work to go on a vacation (or staying home to vacation) and not being rested at the end of that long weekend or week?

This happens to me more than I would like to admit.
Setting aside the time and resources to take a real break is also work. When that break does not give you time for rest, relaxation, or restoration, it is a letdown.

Here are a few suggestions for what to do when a vacation does not equal rest:

  1. Notice and acknowledge that you did not get rest from a break. 
    Try to be kind to yourself (and others who were with you) as you do this.
    The only way to give yourself what you need is to notice when you don’t have it.

  2. Harness the shift in your perspective. 
    Usually, a break will give you a new perspective on your current life (even if it does not give you rest). This is an opportunity to make a subtle change. 
    What did this time away show you that you could have more or less of in your day-to-day life? 

  3. Add rest in now!
    It is not too late. Take advantage of the change in schedule and routine. 
    Go to bed early. Sneak away from work during a lunch break. 
    What did you crave during your vacation that you did not get? A walk, a book, a moment alone, a celebratory dinner…

    That “longing” tells you something you can do RIGHT NOW in a small moment.

    It may seem indulgent – but you could give yourself a single “sick” day in the next two weeks and “check” a few of your rest desires off your list.

    Does that sound divine and mischievous? YES! Do it!

  4. Evaluate for the next time. 
    What could you do differently before and during your vacation to add rest?
    What boundaries can you set for yourself or with loved ones next time? 
    What did you learn about what vacations give you rest and restoration and which don’t?


Now you know – take one lesson and practice it on your next time off.

I’ve got you if you don’t have any time off and are in go mode right now. Check out my blog post for tips on adding rest when you are busy.


Let me know – have you had a time when a vacation was not a vacation? What did you do to recoup after your non-vacation?

…

Rheanna SmithWhat to do when your vacation isn’t a vacation
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Simple tips to add rest into a busy summer schedule

July 22, 2024
Simple tips to add rest into a busy summer schedule

It is summer in the Pacific Northwest, and as I have shared, for many people, summer is supposed to be a time of rest and relaxation. However, the Pacific Northwest’s culture, and especially the Seattle area, is one of sun and outdoor scarcity. 

Many of us feel we have a finite amount of time to be outside doing dozens of activities with all the people we love. And most of us are still working and caring for others, too. 

Ironically, this equals more pressure to “enjoy and relax” with more things to do and even accomplish.

It can be a mind-bending experience.
I am first trying to deal with this by being honest with myself.
I want to do “all the things” this summer and fit it all in. At the same time, my professional work does not slow down, and family caretaking and coordination increase.

This particular summer, my partner Roberto and I have agreed that we need to have less stress and more regulated nervous systems. This is a requirement for a few things we are navigating with our family this season.

So how do you do this… reduce stress, increase rest and regulation when the pressure is on to get it ALL DONE, and have a great dang time doing it?

I want to share ways to rest inside of a busy time.

But first, what is “rest?” 
Here are a few definitions to help you determine whether you are resting…

“A period of time in which you relax, do not do anything active, or sleep.” – Cambridge Dictionary

“To rest means to relax into something and let it support you.”
“To take a short break from one’s activities in order to relax.” – Vocabulary.com

Okay—now we are reminded that resting is not about doing more; it is, if possible, about relaxing and maybe even sleeping!


Here are my tips and tricks for building in more rest:

Recognize the Pockets
Look for the little pockets already in your life and schedule where you can rest.
Notice them and lean back into them.  

When are things slower and quieter? 
When is there a natural pause between one activity and the next?
When is there a moment of waiting? In a line? A doctor’s office? A train?

Take those little pockets and let them be rest moments. You take a breath. You sit quietly. You stand for a moment and notice your feet. 

When you notice the pull to take out your phone you can say to yourself – “ah I am giving myself a little rest.”


Retreat
Get up, walk away from the table, desk, or computer, and find a few moments of rest.

Lay down on the couch and set a timer for 10-15 minutes. 
Take your coffee outside and sit on a front step without your screen or device.
Turn toward a window, watch things around you, or notice a plant or animal.


Replace
Replace the scrolling with seeing what your body needs.
Replace the “doing one more thing” with pausing and breathing.
Replace the screen with a little sleep.
Replace the taking a picture with being present to what you see.

You get the point. 😉


Reduce
Okay, this one is annoying! 
You may be like…. ”Annie, you said rest inside of a busy time!”

Y’all, honestly, the only way to get more rest is to do less. 

This is so basic and yet hard to do that it is obnoxious, but most of us don’t stop DOING, and we are TIRED.

If you want more time to feel good in your body and be less grumpy with those you love… you have to reduce the number of things you take on. 

Now different people (and times in life) require different activity levels. 
You know you. You can probably determine whether you need to reduce a few things.

The basics of this skill are: 
1. Take something you feel you “should do” but don’t need to do.
2. Stop doing it. 
3. Say, “I am not available.” Say, “Oh, I wish I could, but I’ve overcommitted myself.”

This is my hardest one AND the one that gains me the most rest. 
The trick is to NOT put more “doing” in the place of the thing you reduced. 
Instead, REST FIRST – start with lying down on the floor!

A note:
Adding more rest when the pressure is on can be difficult. 
In the long term, to avoid burnout, your body and mind need longer, sustained periods of rest and ongoing rest practices. I will share a few additional ways to increase rest in the coming months.

The go-to resource for Rest & Liberation – Tricia Hersey:

A fabulous teacher and resource for rest is Tricia Hersey & The Nap Ministry

“Rest is a form of resistance because it pushes back and disrupts white supremacy and capitalism.
Our bodies are a site of liberation. And that brings into the somatics the idea that wherever our bodies are, we can find rest.”

– Rest as Resistance Tenets #1 & #2, Tricia Hersey

Tricia Hersey on NPR

Tricia Hersey’s book – Rest is Resistance: a Manifesto

The Nap Ministry’s Rest Deck

Rheanna SmithSimple tips to add rest into a busy summer schedule
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How to strengthen your leadership

June 1, 2024
How to strengthen your leadership

Last month, I shared “the one thing excellent leaders never stop working” – check it out here. This one thing will allow you to build caring relationships at work and stay aligned with your values while you create system change. Doing it well can reduce burnout and allow you to be a leader who supports equitable change in the world.

Haven’t read the last post yet? Here is what excellent leaders always foster – self-awareness. 

Self-awareness as a leadership practice includes:

  • Learning how you show up in different situations and scenarios, 
  • Knowing what you need to be clear and kind, 
  • Clarifying your values and goals, 
  • Recognizing your strengths and weaknesses,
  • Understanding how your different identities interact with systems and structures and affect you and your colleagues and
  • Acknowledging your personality, strengths, and weaknesses impact your work and colleagues. 

If you continually reflect on this list, I am sure you are a thoughtful leader.
This is an ongoing learning.

As promised, I want to share a pattern I noticed in my self-awareness exploration. I hope this can serve as an example of what behaviors and patterns to look for when you want to improve your leadership practice through self-understanding.

Here is a pattern I am working on in my leadership, business, (and definitely –) family life:

When I am not paying attention, I tend to oscillate between – 

  • “going full speed ahead with high personal expectations” 
    This looks like – saying yes to everything, wanting to support everyone, holding myself to unrealistic standards, not asking for support, or delegating.
  • “crawling into a little ball and being completely unavailable” 
    This looks like – needing to take a Saturday completely to myself, under the covers with Netflix and food in bed, not responding to personal communications, deciding not to schedule doctor appointments, etc., because it is “too much.”

Don’t worry, y’all! I have been working with this one for a while now, so there’s no need to check up on me. I’ve got this. I also know this is a normal nervous system response to running in overdrive and going into a freeze pattern. I continue working on finding a balance and finding fewer extremes in my pendulation between the two. 

How does this very personal pattern impact my leadership?

I can be experienced as controlling or absent. My care and intense response can diminish people’s agency in their learning and personal change work.

All of our internal “mechanics of being” – impact our leadership.

Here are overarching steps I use to allow self-awareness to create behavior change that improves my life and relationships.

Here is the self-awareness to action cycle in broad stokes:

  1. Seek out self-discovery and personal learning 

    I look for opportunities to see who I am and how I can improve. I do ongoing work to regulate my heightened emotions and improve my ability to receive feedback, allowing me to learn more about myself.

  2. Offer compassion and forgiveness

    I work to increase self-compassion so I do not attack or freeze when I learn how I show up, my behaviors, or how I am perceived. The kinder I am in my head, the more I can take in self-awareness moments and turn them into action. I work on forgiving myself for the ways I fall short.

  3. Reflect and deepen the learning 

    I seek out further learning about the patterns I notice or receive feedback on. 
    (For example, I took my colleague Molly Caro Mae’s course and worked on my behavior pattern, which oscillates between “hide away” and “do it all.” Her course is excellent, by the way!)

  4. Find Support

    Yes, here it is again – get support. I often get support from friends and teachers.

    We cannot do change work alone. We need each other. Find friends, colleagues, communities, coaches, therapists, somatic practitioners, or teachers.

  5. Practice & Apply

    Find doable, micro ways to practice. After a time of practicing in less visible ways, apply your learning to how you show up in real-life scenarios.

Rinse and repeat.

Personal behavior change is possible.
We know this through the learnings of neuroscience, habit science, somatics, and psychology.
We can change how we show up for ourselves and others – but first, we must notice.
Noticing is always the first step.

What is something you have been noticing? 

What behaviors and patterns are you working on in your leadership?

P.S. We created Clear Harbor as a support community for just these people – leaders who want to be more self-aware and reflective. If you want a brave, warm, and caring place to grow as a leader, join us.

Rheanna SmithHow to strengthen your leadership
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Excellent leaders never stop working on this one thing

April 17, 2024
Excellent leaders never stop working on this one thing

The journey to become a more thoughtful, caring leader does not end at…

  • the newly acquired job or role,
  • the completion of a successful project to change an unhealthy organizational habit, or
  • a team member telling you thank you for being an incredible listener and agent of positive change. 

(Although, dang! Congrats on any of these accomplishments!)

If you are about leadership

  • as an action, art, and practice,
  • are committed to supporting groups of people experiencing accomplishment and enjoyment from the work, and
  • want our communities to be places where all people can live in safety, peace, and even delight…

then your leadership learning never ends. 
At the core of this ongoing journey is your personal awareness.

I work with badass leaders, y’all!

I have the incredible opportunity to sit in coaching and group spaces with thoughtful humans who create systemic change, move money to create more equity and update policies that increase people’s ability to thrive at work.

The most successful, seasoned leaders I work with know they are not done learning.

They look critically and lovingly at their thinking and behaviors. They examine how they show up in space, their impact on other humans, and their relationship patterns.

If you aim to improve a system, enhance a team’s effectiveness, or promote equity in your policies, your personal growth can be the largest catalyst. You can improve culture with just 5-10% of your time and energy directed toward changing your behavior.

This work will be even more effective if you do it from a place of self-compassion, belonging, and graciousness. (Just like the work with your team and community will go further if you do it from a place of self-compassion, belonging, and graciousness.)

You may say –

“Okay, so this all sounds nice, Annie – but I have a gazillion things on my plate.

I oscillate between feeling rushed and frustrated, important conversations, putting out fires, and emails. I already have training and projects I am moving forward with my team. How am I going to fit in more learning and growth?

DANG! It is too much.”

And you are right. It is all too much. 

(You may have to say no to an important project at some point – but that is a different letter.)

But if you knew that pulling one lever – that you DO have control over – would make a lot of the pieces easier (and later on even more enjoyable), would you do it?

Understanding yourself and your impact is one of the most important elements of leadership. At a certain point in people’s leadership journeys, it gets left behind when, in actuality, the work of self-awareness and personal growth needs to increase throughout the journey.

Guess what? 

It is simpler than you think (maybe not easier, but simpler).

Here is a short process and questions to ask yourself:

  1. Find a short way to build more space in your week for a quiet moment that fills your cup.
    (This could be 10 mins A WEEK of exercise, a walk, meditation, writing, listening to music.)

  2. Practice noticing your thoughts, emotions, reactions, and patterns with curiosity and with less judgment, shame, or blaming others. 

    “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” calls this “watching like a hawk. 
    See steps #1, #4  and resources to support this

  3. Ask yourself – how could I continue to improve in my relationships with others?
    (Again, work on examining these improvements without deep judgment or shame.)

  4. Pick one area you want to work on and bring in learning, and then practice first with trusted, caring people in your life.

  5. If you want to go deeper… ask for feedback from others and find outside support to process that feedback. 

    Receive an honest evaluation process. Ask trusted peers for feedback. Take training in an area of growth with homework and practice. 

    And PAIR feedback with ongoing support while you work with the new knowledge—perhaps a therapist, group, or coach.

Up next  – I will share a few of the ways I am digging in and learning as a leader right now.

Resources & continued learning:
Getting Personal: Critical Self-Reflection in Anti-Racism Work
Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Self-compassion
People and Culture trainings

Annie Von EssenExcellent leaders never stop working on this one thing
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Recalibrate, listen and explore: a mid-summer check-in

August 3, 2023
Recalibrate, listen and explore: a mid-summer check-in

How are you doing this season?

Over here in the northwest, summer is a noteworthy season. Why? Because there is incredible fruit and warmth and no rain or snow. Everyone is out and about. It brings a particular kind of delight AND in like matter a frantic, frenetic energy. People want to do everything… sit by a body of water, drive to a mountain, eat ripe peaches and corn. See all the people they love.

I feel this delight and pressure too. And now, with a child, I have the added urge of wanting him to experience it all and feel connected to the land where he lives and the joy of being outside with people we love.

This season highlights the push and pull I feel at this time in my life. I want to be present and soak in the joys and delights around me as a human on this earth – noticing the color and texture of bumble bees and butterflies, laughter, and the feel of my feet in cold, glacier streams. I want to be in this moment of life with my child – muddy hands, skinned-up knees, a face sticky sweet, holding hands with a summer friend. I want to make spacious room for my clients to recalibrate, listen, explore, and make plans that build toward bigger possibilities. Additionally, there is a list of hopes for my partner, family, community, and self.

What are all the pieces of summer you are holding? What do you want to feel and experience this season?

I have moments of inner struggle and grumpiness because it is not possible to make all of these things happen simultaneously inside linear time.

Again, I remind myself that I cannot do it all.

So how do I find my way toward these intentions for the rest of summer without overwhelm?

Here is what I do to reset and reduce stress:

  • Name my intentions (see above)
  • Name my constraints (time, energy, other people, etc.)
  • Look for supports 
  • Simplify (where can I do less, where can I lower internal or external expectations)
  • Overcommunicate and calendar with my partner (and key colleagues or family)
  • Build in slowdowns (when am I pausing to check in with my body)
  • Offer gratitude out loud at the moment for what I am seeing and the humans around me
  • Be okay with an unconventional work schedule (as long as I have solid boundaries in place)
  • Use a metaphor for the season to remind me of my intention

It is not too late to invite in a different way to be during this summer (or the next season) – if you feel frenetic, frustrated, “blah”, or disconnected. It may be cheesy, but it is also true; every day, you have an opportunity to reset your intentions and actions.

Today I intend to dig into key client communications and connections, eat a juicy peach, and sit outside with my son in the late summer afternoon.

Want reflection questions to support your reset? Check out more below.

Here is to a fruitful summer,

Annie

If you find this info helpful, please consider joining my email list. You’ll get helpful tools and learn about the practices I use for myself and to help leaders and teams gain clarity, work collaboratively, and discover a deeper sense of purpose, connection, and joy.

Rheanna SmithRecalibrate, listen and explore: a mid-summer check-in
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How to bring in joy & intention when  building partnerships [Leaders Creating Change Series]

February 27, 2023
How to bring in joy & intention when  building partnerships [Leaders Creating Change Series]

Thoughtfully built relationships are vital to creating long-term partnerships that support your work, mission, and also support you in your leadership. I am always looking to learn better and different ways to be in relationships and in partnerships with fellow humans – so that together we can create social change and experience joy and delight along the way.

I want to share more opportunities for you to gather and hear from thoughtful leaders building toward equity and social change in their communities.

I recently had the joy of talking with Amanda Thomas, Director, Community Partnership for Tacoma Public Schools. We spoke about how she shows up in spaces, builds community, and creates long-term partnerships. Amanda is one of my favorite leaders to work with and it was a delight to hear her talk about her leadership and work.

Hear what Amanda says about building relationships even in institutional capacities:

You can probably tell from our conversation that Amanda brings joy into her work and the communities she’s a part of, so I wanted to know how joy fits into building relationships for her. She said…

Amanda offered the reminder that it IS enough to simply be in relationship with each other. Building relationships thoughtfully over time supports your growth as a leader and your ability to create something bigger and more meaningful. Investing time in the relationship without considering what you have to gain creates trust and space for learning and creativity. This allows you to make more significant and impactful changes.

We can’t do any of our change work alone.

If we’re going to build larger solutions, we have to be in conversations with each other and hear diverse perspectives. We must be able to see and talk about the problems with people who view them differently.

It’s more than just partnerships, though. As leaders, we have to identify and find the support we need intentionally. I asked Amanda how she has built a support community around herself. She finds support in others but also in herself.


I’m grateful to have found support in my relationship with Amanda. My hope for you is that you have built or are building partnerships and communities of support for yourself, too. 

In what ways are you putting energy into relationships simply for the joy and act of being in community?

A massive thank you to Amanda for joining me and for always showing up in spaces and giving very freely to community. 

Interested in the full interview with Amanda? To learn more about building relationships and partnerships, grab it here.

Rheanna SmithHow to bring in joy & intention when  building partnerships [Leaders Creating Change Series]
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There’s a difference between rest and reflection. Spoiler alert: You need both.

May 17, 2022
There’s a difference between rest and reflection. Spoiler alert: You need both.

“Being a leader is not about production; it’s about being there for the people I lead, support, and serve. And I need to prepare myself to be a decent human being so that
I can be there for others and be approachable.”
– Andrew, Clear Harbor member

I have to exist as a human to show up at work. And when I show up as a cog and a machine, I feel the least fulfilled in my life.”
– Shannon, Clear Harbor member

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had many conversations about rest and reflection. We talked about why it’s important and how to fit it into our busy lives. The two quotes I shared above were from those conversations and examples of why we must find time to rest and reflect individually and in groups if we want to show up as leaders in our lives. 

Rest can happen when you reflect, but rest is not always reflection time. Sometimes the reflection piece gets left behind. We hear a lot about self-care and well-being on the topic of rest. But often, reflection is missing.

Leaders, in particular, need both rest and reflection to:

  • keep going,
  • keep leading, 
  • stay in their role (and lane), 
  • not burn out,  
  • make decisions, and 
  • recognize that pauses are necessary. 

Leaders need built-in time to reflect on themselves. The results? You avoid bringing knee-jerk reactions and your own bias to your team. We must reflect internally first before we can show up and lead a reflection with others. Reflection can bring you back to your why and passion and help you feel human. Time for reflection for yourself and then in groups is a critical tool for building a more equitable and inclusive workplace.

“Your goal is not to stick to a given schedule at all costs; it’s instead to maintain, at all times,
a thoughtful say in what you’re doing with your time.”
– Cal Newport, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World

Most times, teams will retrospect at the end of a project by looking at how things went, what worked, what didn’t work, and what can be improved. But you can do this at any time as a team! Build those moments into groups in the arc of the process with reflection points to pause and observe. 

I build rest and reflection into meetings – we stop, take a breath, take a break, and look away from the screens and each other. We write on our own before we share in the group. These practices are critical when building your team and group processes. 

At times, I work with teams after they’ve missed opportunities to reflect – on the big picture or on cultural dynamics. They always had lots of work to complete but little time to reflect. The good news? It’s never too late to change this. We can find time to reflect. 

You CAN build in time to reflect starting now to avoid big crises and conflicts in the future. When you practice slowing down and reflecting now, you will remember how to do it in the middle of stressful moments and not leap into fast decision-making based on assumptions and stories. When we slow down and recognize our own biases, we change how we do things. That’s one step toward making our work more equitable and inclusive. 

This is one reason I created Clear Harbor for leaders – more here if you’re intrigued.
Clear Harbor is a built-in time for groups of people to reflect outside of the day-to-day pressures to respond.
It’s a commitment on your calendar to other people.
It’s a space to step back and reflect with a more significant viewpoint.

We not only show you it’s possible to build this into your workday, but we show you how.  

I promised you a list of ways to build in time for rest and reflection. You can grab the list here. Remember, this isn’t MY list. These thoughts and ideas are from friends, clients, colleagues, and maybe even from you. Browse the list and see if anything sparks your interest. Try a few of the ideas yourself.

How can you build reflection into your day?

Rheanna SmithThere’s a difference between rest and reflection. Spoiler alert: You need both.
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Keep your tank full

March 15, 2022
Keep your tank full

I feel sadness and worry, anger and fear as a new war begins, and the rights of trans kids and families, LGBTQ+ people and communities, and women are under attack.

When is it going to end?

“It” isn’t going to end. We must continue to get better at being in “it” and responding with peace, courage, resolve, resilience, joy, and outrage.

We need to maintain nourishing waters within.

You will need to keep your internal stores up to stay awake to others, your team, your responsibilities, and the struggle, traumas, and injustice around us.

What do I mean?

You have an internal storehouse of energy to draw from, and it needs reserves. You need to know you have the vitality to respond to your basic needs and solve problems. 

If subconsciously you know that you do not have enough energy to keep yourself and others needs plus your work afloat – parts of you will shut down. Your body and mind will shut parts of your operating system down to conserve the little energy you have left. The components that stop working well can include the part of you that can respond to the needs of others. And the parts of you that can vision, imagine, hope, and problem solve.

You may stop listening to the joys and pains of others when you feel parched.

You could stop listening to the joys of your life and the needs of yourself when you feel depleted.

Your strength is always in you. 

However, access is blocked.

Getting depleted can happen in two simple ways:

  • Not enough nourishment is coming into your system. 
  • There is a great strain on your being that is causing lots of output. 

There are two ways to enrich your soil, fill up your cup, and increase your stores.

Nourish your system.

Decrease the strain on your system.

It is simple and requires self-awareness, outside support, and letting go.

Use the check-in tool of “Tending, Tuning In, Checking In, & Changing” to find out what you can do to keep your energy flowing.

Please – so many of us are running on empty. Dear friend – take a moment to check in and give yourself what you need to restore. You are needed for the long haul. This journey is not over. However, we cannot keep going on empty.

Download this check-in tool here!

A note about decreasing the strain on your system:

There are times when you cannot do anything about what is straining you. These could be moments when tremendous caretaking of others is needed. Times of urgent, necessary deadlines. Times of significant change. Times of loss. Times of violence and trauma.

In these straining moments, you do the best you can do. You ask for support. And find the easiest, minimal ways to take care. You hold on. And give yourself as much love, space, and grace as possible.

P.S.
I wanted to share a poem and essay with you. My partner & beloved Roberto Ascalon was asked to re-imagine Seattle. It is a reminder of all we are experiencing in this time –loss, politics, the pandemic, racial reckonings, injustice, love. Also, it is a glimpse into our small family life during this big moment in time.

A few places you can take action and take care:

Grief practices From Valerie Kaur
Donate to Ukraine (from Valerie Kaur)
Support LGBTQ rights – ACLU, Human Rights Campaign

Rheanna SmithKeep your tank full
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How do we stay awake?

January 11, 2022
How do we stay awake?

A while ago, I was on a call with Milagros Phillips that continues to reverberate in my body. (I have mentioned her work before – check out her work here.) Milagros was commenting on how different the calls she is leading about racial healing are at the end of 2021 compared to a year ago. A year ago, her zoom calls were packed. Each conversation had multiple screens of black, brown, and white faces, all tuning in to listen, learn, and talk about race and racism in the USA and our world. 

The call I tuned in to at the end of September (in response to the violence against Haitian refugees at the border) was a single screen of faces.  

Milagros Phillips said, “We must remain awake.”  

She reminded us that the most significant social change will come when a large group of us stays awake, continuing to recognize what is wrong and unjust in the world, and then speaks about it and takes action to increase justice. 

At the beginning of this new year – that perhaps does not feel so new.
I offer this as a reminder for all of us – to remain awake.  

I am not suggesting this from a place of punishment or to call any of us out.  

Instead, as you read this, see how you can ask yourself with kindness, “How am I remaining awake to the issues in our world that I want to improve?” 

How do we stay awake in the fight against racism? How do we stay awake in response to climate change? How do we stay awake in support of LGBTQ+ rights? How do we stay awake in support of our team’s and our community’s mental health and well-being?  How do we stay awake in support of workplace rights?  

Add your own question here: How do I stay awake… ? 

We need to remain awake to build a loving and just world.  

What does this mean – “to stay awake”?  

For me, it means that I do not shut out the real stories and experiences of people and the natural world. I hear them, and I listen, and I get curious. I let myself feel emotions.  

And when I can, I name what I am seeing. I talk about it with others.  

And I act by – changing my behavior, talking with others, voting, changing policies, organizing, building a different kind of business, donating money, volunteering. 

But if I am honest with you. I get tired. The days here are short, and the rain (and snow) is setting in. 

The news continues to show stories of systems built explicitly to cut groups off from their rights and humans carrying out acts of horror against other humans from a place of rage or numbness.  

We have been in a pandemic for almost two years. I, and countless others, have had people they love dearly die.

People are drudging through their days. Families are still caring for small children while working.  

How do you remain awake when you are tired? 

Perhaps you are very awake.  

Perhaps you live within identities and communities where you are reminded of injustices often. Maybe you were born with a heart and fire that does not let you stop seeing, naming, and acting to create an equitable world. 

And if this is you, perhaps you still find yourself in the quiet moments, tired. 

How do you rest while not falling into a state of numbness? 

I do not have all these answers. 
I am continuing to ask myself these questions. 

Honestly, my first step is still to remind myself that staying awake is essential for us as humans to build a more loving and just world. I am grateful to Milagros Phillips for her fervent reminder – we must find ways to stay awake. 
 

For me, I need to find ways to stay awake that are not dogmatic and perfectionistic. I have tried ways of staying in change-making work over the years bound by rigid rules, and I find myself becoming judgmental, burning bridges, and then burning out. However, if I become too gentle and focused on self-acceptance without fire and push, I slide back into a state of “self-care” that indulges my whiteness and other privileged positions. I need a balance of commitment, accountability, and care for my own well-being. 

Here are a few tools that are supporting me to stay awake and support more love and justice: 

  • Time alone to feel emotions and reflect (walks alone, meditation, movement) 
  • Being mindful of what I listen to and what information I take in (listening to diverse experiences in my podcasts, reading and listening to sources of news that fact check & give multiple perspectives) 
  • Bringing up what I am seeing and noticing and feeling in conversations 
  • Asking questions about what others see, know, and feel in conversations, and then trying to listen
  • Make my learnings and the change I want in the world reflected in the daily work I do (how I facilitate, whom I work with, how I build out projects) 
  • Connect and reconnect with the relationships in my life that are not insular (i.e., humans outside of my direct community, diverse because of parental status, profession, race, ethnicity, home country, etc.)
  • Take action with my feet, with my money, with my vote, with my voice, with the power and privileges I do have. (Here is a list of actions around racial justice.) 
  • Practice rest and reflection that brings rejuvenation, and not numbing (for me, this is dance, walking, books, baths. Here is a list you can draw on.  

Most importantly, I recognize when I am numbing out and disconnecting from the injustices and calls of the world and of my friends, family, and work team. And invite me back into the human family. I remind myself that I am strong enough to listen to the stories of loved ones and strangers who are experiencing suffering. I remind myself that I can act to be a part of the solution. And I am not alone, I am connected to imaginative, creative human beings fighting for a more just, loving world. 

I am glad to be with you, a fellow creative human working toward a more caring, just world. 

How are you caring for yourself when you are tired? 

How are you remaining awake? 

Resources to “stay awake” (also take care & rest):

Rheanna SmithHow do we stay awake?
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