Teams

What is the simplest and sometimes the most challenging way to show up as a thoughtful, clear, prepared leader?

September 5, 2023

Know how you (yourself and your organization) make decisions.

And then show everyone you work with and on behalf of who makes which decisions and how you make those decisions.

This is simple. Perhaps it’s so fundamental that it does not need to be mentioned. However, I find this is one of the easiest ways leaders can increase and gain trust, and it is the quickest thing to slide when you get busy or overwhelmed.

There are hundreds of ways to decide. In groups, with one person. With input and many feedback loops, quickly with no contributions. With a vote, a scale, a discussion, or a consensus.

The key is knowing the critical decisions you must make in any role or during a project. Then, get clear on which way you will make the decision and who will do it. Then, communicate that process multiple times to those who are involved.

Think of a project right now… ask yourself, do we know how we are making the final decision? Or the decisions leading up to the final decision? If so, have you clearly communicated that to everyone impacted?

And if you are not the one with deciding power, have you built a relationship with the deciders and asked them questions about the decision-making process?

Bonus points if you can do this from a genuine place of curiosity and partnership, not as a “gotcha moment.”

(Guess what this works in your personal life too!)

Check out below the first decision questions I ask when supporting a project and my top tips for building trust and clarity in your decision-making.

Ask these questions first:

Are the people most impacted by the decision a part of making the decision or, at the very least, consulted?

Does everyone know the decision-making process, who is involved, how the decision will be made, and who is the final decider?

Does the decision-making process match the importance of the decision?

Examples – If you are making a decision that impacts your clients for the next 5 years, are you taking the time to make that decision thoughtfully with feedback and input? If you need to decide on a bathroom tile color, are you using the least time and resources possible?

Shout out to these consultants, whom I’ve learned from and who do an excellent job setting people up with transparent decision-making and thinking about power dynamics – Andrea Paull, Paola Maranan, and Makeba Greene.

My Top Decision-Making Tips

Choose only a handful of ways you will make decisions as individuals and teams and use them repeatedly.
Vet them for a balance of ease of use and inclusion in the process and then replicate that way of deciding across the business or organization.

Take in and listen to different perspectives.
You will be a better leader and make stronger decisions if you listen to diverse perspectives.

Clearly define the problem and possible solutions.
Know what you are deciding and why. Ideally, state the problem in the form of a question and look for multiple solutions.

Slow down before you make a significant decision.
Encourage your team to have time to breathe, pause, and think before making a major decision. Even if it is an emergency, you can usually afford 5 minutes and a phone call to someone else before you make the final call.

Name the power you and others hold. Get used to naming when you are deciding.
Your co-workers, employees, and clients should know you are making the decision even without input. It builds trust and clarity when you give honest answers about how a decision is made.

(Do I think you should give up some of your decision-making power? Yes, I do. There are many thoughtful ways to share power and gain creativity in decision-making.)

Be clear about when and how you will use input in your decision-making.
Name when and how feedback will be used in your decision. Come back to anyone you asked for input and name how you used it in your decision, including why you did not follow advice. Clarify when you are not asking for input and why.

Coach and support your team to know different ways to make decisions and use a few tools everyone is trained on for making decisions.
Give your team the tools you are using. Have managers share their strategies for decision-making and take through their decision-making processes and reasoning. The more you prepare everyone to make thoughtful, aware, value-aligned decisions, the stronger your organization is.

Do you want to know the other vital processes essential to making teamwork work?
Check out this post!

P.S. Guess what?

Inside Clear Harbor in the fall, we will lead a 5-part series on how to set up a solid set of decision-making processes and deal with sticky, complex decision-making. Be on the lookout for when our doors to the community open in the fall!

From going it alone – to asking for support

March 27, 2023

First, I know you know that I LOVE small groups of human beings and what they can do when they work together toward a common goal. (And yes, I sometimes get stressed, annoyed, and worked up when working with small groups of people.) But mostly, I love it!

And yet, I still don’t always reach out and ask for support when I need it or create collaboratively when the results would be better if a small group was involved.

Why do I still opt for the individual response or act?

Perhaps the deeply ingrained individualistic, capitalist culture and my own internalized whiteness taught me the false notion that working together is weak and dangerous. Maybe I internalized that it was important to keep my circle of care small – so as not to feel shame or lose face. I think yes. And I desire to remain in control and not feel vulnerable by showing my needs or my first draft ideas. Yes, this.

All these things stop me from reaching out even when I know supporting each other and creating together in a community leads to less loneliness, better ideas, and overall strengthens the fabric of our humanness.

I am actively working on stretching even further toward being in community. I am committing to offering care and following through with my offers, asking for support, and creating solutions with others.

Building together is an antidote to toxic capitalism and creates ripples of compassion, connection, and creativity; still, it takes courage to reach out, share and build with fellow brilliant, messy humans.

I want to share a recent story in my life where I have actively shifted from “going it alone” to “asking for support.”

In our family life, there have been a LOT of sicknesses. A friend recently talked about something in our family’s timeline by asking – “Was that between sickness number 7 and number 8?” This is not a new story for all the families with kids under 10 returning to schools and childcare outside the home. We are all constantly dealing with someone sick in the house. And this means – a decrease in physical and mental well-being, double duty for family members (caretaking and other work), loss of work hours, late nights, and very messy houses (okay maybe the mess is just us).

During the holidays, when I was quarantined downstairs with Covid, our flights to be with family were canceled, and Rob and Lino celebrating alone – I thought to myself – we need help. I asked Rob what he was missing the most. He said he was sad not to have the big meal (with lots of succulent meat) we would have had with his family. I texted a few sets of beloved friends asking – “Hey if you have a few leftovers after holiday meals, could you drop them off?”

Friends said yes.

We ate for days on crab, steak, a full Moroccan feast, and a multi-layer cake.

Support came too in the form of texts checking in on us, funny memes, movie recommendations I could watch while in bed, and herbal medicines left in our milk box.

For me, asking for support was easy and embarrassing. I had to swallow the notion that we should do it alone. And we could have “done it alone” but missed the opportunity to feel alive and held in others’ care. Because I asked for help, I knew my family was cared for upstairs. I could rest.

One thing to know, however, the support only happened partially because of 1 or 2 texts. The friends I contacted have been in our life for over ten years. Many of them we currently or have lived in community with. I have asked for support before. And I have asked many of them in times of sickness and loss, “what can I do?” and in times of celebration, “what can I bring?”

We are in an ongoing, evolving, mutual community of support. I am committed to loving them, and I care about their well-being.

You may have this in your personal life. If you don’t, it IS possible to create this – find the friendships or acquaintances you want to invest in and check in with them more often. Or join a group experience like a hiking or book group and provide care and ask them for support.

Though, I wonder, do you foster these kinds of caring communities in your professional life?

Do you have groups you can turn to when things are falling apart in a project?

Who would you text and ask to talk for a few minutes about a problem with a team you are leading?

Who is supporting you in your leadership and growth? Who do you support and offer care to?

Communities of support give us the room to reflect, learn, be seen, give and receive care, keep our values and actions consistent, release shame, do better, innovate, and create.

Take one small step today to join or foster a community of support.

P.S. The teams you work in can offer solid support and a place to build and create together. If you want help building a stronger team that can support each other and make changes, let’s talk!

How to bring in joy & intention when building partnerships [Leaders Creating Change Series]

February 27, 2023

Thoughtfully built relationships are vital to creating long-term partnerships that support your work, mission, and also support you in your leadership. I am always looking to learn better and different ways to be in relationships and in partnerships with fellow humans – so that together we can create social change and experience joy and delight along the way.

I want to share more opportunities for you to gather and hear from thoughtful leaders building toward equity and social change in their communities.

I recently had the joy of talking with Amanda Thomas, Director, Community Partnership for Tacoma Public Schools. We spoke about how she shows up in spaces, builds community, and creates long-term partnerships. Amanda is one of my favorite leaders to work with and it was a delight to hear her talk about her leadership and work.

Hear what Amanda says about building relationships even in institutional capacities:

You can probably tell from our conversation that Amanda brings joy into her work and the communities she’s a part of, so I wanted to know how joy fits into building relationships for her. She said…

Amanda offered the reminder that it IS enough to simply be in relationship with each other. Building relationships thoughtfully over time supports your growth as a leader and your ability to create something bigger and more meaningful. Investing time in the relationship without considering what you have to gain creates trust and space for learning and creativity. This allows you to make more significant and impactful changes.

We can’t do any of our change work alone.

If we’re going to build larger solutions, we have to be in conversations with each other and hear diverse perspectives. We must be able to see and talk about the problems with people who view them differently.

It’s more than just partnerships, though. As leaders, we have to identify and find the support we need intentionally. I asked Amanda how she has built a support community around herself. She finds support in others but also in herself.

I’m grateful to have found support in my relationship with Amanda. My hope for you is that you have built or are building partnerships and communities of support for yourself, too.

In what ways are you putting energy into relationships simply for the joy and act of being in community?

A massive thank you to Amanda for joining me and for always showing up in spaces and giving very freely to community.

Interested in the full interview with Amanda? To learn more about building relationships and partnerships, grab it here.

There’s a difference between rest and reflection. Spoiler alert: You need both.

May 17, 2022

“Being a leader is not about production; it’s about being there for the people I lead, support, and serve. And I need to prepare myself to be a decent human being so that
I can be there for others and be approachable.”
– Andrew, Clear Harbor member

I have to exist as a human to show up at work. And when I show up as a cog and a machine, I feel the least fulfilled in my life.”
– Shannon, Clear Harbor member

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had many conversations about rest and reflection. We talked about why it’s important and how to fit it into our busy lives. The two quotes I shared above were from those conversations and examples of why we must find time to rest and reflect individually and in groups if we want to show up as leaders in our lives.

Rest can happen when you reflect, but rest is not always reflection time. Sometimes the reflection piece gets left behind. We hear a lot about self-care and well-being on the topic of rest. But often, reflection is missing.

Leaders, in particular, need both rest and reflection to:

keep going,
keep leading,
stay in their role (and lane),
not burn out,
make decisions, and
recognize that pauses are necessary.

Leaders need built-in time to reflect on themselves. The results? You avoid bringing knee-jerk reactions and your own bias to your team. We must reflect internally first before we can show up and lead a reflection with others. Reflection can bring you back to your why and passion and help you feel human. Time for reflection for yourself and then in groups is a critical tool for building a more equitable and inclusive workplace.

“Your goal is not to stick to a given schedule at all costs; it’s instead to maintain, at all times,
a thoughtful say in what you’re doing with your time.”
– Cal Newport, Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World

Most times, teams will retrospect at the end of a project by looking at how things went, what worked, what didn’t work, and what can be improved. But you can do this at any time as a team! Build those moments into groups in the arc of the process with reflection points to pause and observe.

I build rest and reflection into meetings – we stop, take a breath, take a break, and look away from the screens and each other. We write on our own before we share in the group. These practices are critical when building your team and group processes.

At times, I work with teams after they’ve missed opportunities to reflect – on the big picture or on cultural dynamics. They always had lots of work to complete but little time to reflect. The good news? It’s never too late to change this. We can find time to reflect.

You CAN build in time to reflect starting now to avoid big crises and conflicts in the future. When you practice slowing down and reflecting now, you will remember how to do it in the middle of stressful moments and not leap into fast decision-making based on assumptions and stories. When we slow down and recognize our own biases, we change how we do things. That’s one step toward making our work more equitable and inclusive.

This is one reason I created Clear Harbor for leaders – more here if you’re intrigued.
Clear Harbor is a built-in time for groups of people to reflect outside of the day-to-day pressures to respond.
It’s a commitment on your calendar to other people.
It’s a space to step back and reflect with a more significant viewpoint.

We not only show you it’s possible to build this into your workday, but we show you how.

I promised you a list of ways to build in time for rest and reflection. You can grab the list here. Remember, this isn’t MY list. These thoughts and ideas are from friends, clients, colleagues, and maybe even from you. Browse the list and see if anything sparks your interest. Try a few of the ideas yourself.

How can you build reflection into your day?

Staying Awake to Others While Navigating Change

February 9, 2022

As a leader, the people you work with are the key – to creating and building something beautiful and enjoying the work you’re doing. Without people, without a team, the vision does not move forward. Many leaders I work with are working with people who care deeply and work hard. And they are tired and navigating change after unsettling change.

And, the leaders I work with are navigating personal and professional challenges daily.

P.S. Everyone I work with is a leader because I follow this definition of leadership.*

It is easy to lose sight of how everyone around you is doing when you have so much to do.

However, there can be detrimental impacts when you are not staying connected to your team, peers, and humans in your life. When we are not paying attention to those around us – we lose the warmth of human connection, love, and care. We lose the insights and visions offered up by different people who see the world and its opportunities differently than we do. We lose out on the potential to build a strong team or a thoughtful family. When we are not attending to our teams and people, relationships may end. We miss the chance to offer support, and we miss the opportunity to grow and learn.

I’ve had moments in my life and my business where I was feeling so overwhelmed that I did not take the time needed to care about the core people in my life. The memories of those moments cause an ache in my heart and belly.

I am aware that:

I was not living out my values, and
I need to ensure that I do not get to the point of overwhelm that causes me to cut off connections to others.

I continue to work on this in my life.

How do I live out my value of being in intentional, meaningful relationships with my partners, clients, community, and family while juggling the work of being a human?

Here is a check-in to help you stay connected to your team, the people you work with, and the people you care about in your personal life.
There are four areas to pay attention to 1. tending, 2. tuning, 3. checking in, and 4. changing.

Download this check-in tool here!

Give yourself a mini-audit.

In your relationships, how are you tending, tuning in, checking in, and changing?

What is ONE thing you can do in ONE of the areas with a teammate or loved one?

No one person can do it all!

Of course, we cannot be connected to everyone on our team or in our community at all times. We need to make choices about who we are investing in and who are the critical relationships for us. And we need to be aware of how much time and capacity we have. It helps to write down who you are committed to being in the right relationship with.

Others may be acquaintances and colleagues you invest less energy in but treat with respect. If you are in a formal leadership position, you will need to foster skills across your company to help everyone stay connected and check in with staff.

(You know I am going to say this – but here’s a reminder – to be tuned in and awake to what is happening with others… you need to be awake to yourself and take care of yourself. If there is no energy left in your engine, these practices will be hard to do! Be on the lookout for more in March about staying awake to yourself!)

P.S. Here are some additional resources for Step 3 – Checking In:
4 essential human connections we all need right now
Simple ways to connect with each other, even virtually
How to stay open when you are ready to shut the conversation down
Tips for staying open & non-defensive in difficult conversations
5 Steps for Grounding During Instability
5 steps for grounding during instability pdf
2 questions that cut back the stress

* Vessel Consulting uses Brene Brown’s definition of leadership, “A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential.”

Why I love meetings and how you can too

May 4, 2021

Meetings… there were already so many dreaded meetings. And now most of us are still doing meetings online with glitchy internet looking at little screens scrambling for a background that hides the messy dishes. (Just noticing do all my notes include dirty dishes… yes there are a lot of dirty dishes in my life!)

Guess what – I am one of those weird people who likes meetings!
I know, I know… it’s true. I built a whole business around being in meetings (small and even very large). And often it is with people I don’t know well. People who are trying to make a plan for the future of their work together.

And I love it!

Can I tell you why I love it?
(The secret can also help you enjoy a few more meetings.)

I love meetings because I get to learn more about other people and connect to their stories while moving forward critical, purpose-driven work.

These are my favorite things – being with people and moving a plan forward!

Good meetings do these two things almost always…

Connect people – relationships are built, and people come away understanding other people’s stories and perspectives more than before.
Move forward purpose-driven action – decisions are made, ideas are discussed, and people come away with meaningful tasks that move the whole group toward their purpose.

Double-check the meetings you are a part of.
Do your meetings connect people and move forward action items?

Or do you have meetings that are:

just a download of someone’s agenda or priorities.
all about those next steps and action without any opportunity to build teamwork & relationship.
meandering and unclear.

Think through these two questions when planning the next meeting:

Is there 10-15 minutes for human connection?

Is there space to discuss, make decisions, and clearly set up next steps?

Want more on how to support your teams and move them toward action and connection? Let’s talk!

The most essential processes for making teamwork WORK!

April 27, 2021

Sometimes we need an infusion of ideas and tools for the work we are already doing.

I am going to get tactical right now and jump straight into it!

There are a few processes it is good to always use when you are working with a group.

Whether you are leading and supporting an Executive team in your business, organizing a school group to make changes in school policy to benefit all students, or co-facilitating a volunteer-led group for immigrant justice- these WILL make the work smoother (and more fun)!

Three essential processes ease the amount of work you are each doing, increase action, and even enjoyment, while you work together.

A set of working agreements
Have a set of agreements that guide your work together.

This can be as simple as two or three verbal agreements for how you want to act when you work together and how you will do your work. You can put these in writing and come back to them each year as a process of learning together and acknowledging what is working and what can be improved.

An agreed-upon, known common purpose
A clear outlined statement about why the group exists and the purpose of their work together.

I find most people in a group have different understandings of the purpose of the group and the larger mission or reason for the group’s existence. When the purpose is not clear, people will be less engaged, less collaborative, and more confused.

If you want a passionate group – create purpose together and come back to your purpose over and over.

A clear decision-making process
A process that outlines how major (and even minor) decisions are made and who is responsible for which decision.

Not everyone has to be a part of making every decision, but everyone should know who and how each decision is made. If you want to increase trust and create an inclusive team – discuss and document who makes what decisions and how. (Even better add clarity around how input can be given and what is done with input once it is given.)

These seem simple.

However, when the work is critical and there is much to be done – we can quickly lose sight of each of these processes.

Check in real quick on a team project you are working on, and ask yourself:

Do we have a set of agreements for how we want to work together? Do we all know what these agreements are?
Do we know what the purpose of our team is? If asked, would we each of us give a different answer for why we exist as a team?
Do we know how decisions are made and who makes what decisions? Have we discussed and documented who is responsible for each decision?

If you answered, yes – awesome you are set up to build a strong team.

If you answered “sort of” – go back and find a way to answer and clarify as a group.
I promise you it will lead to more collaboration, more trust, and less stress!

Want more tips and tools for building a team you actually enjoy working with? Let’s talk!

Here is to all of us working together in collaborative, action-oriented teams!

Show up for your team without depleting yourself

April 22, 2021

You are doing a lot.

As the world continues to shift around us, our commitments require a lot of energy.
The pandemic and the continued fight for racial justice serves as a reminder of the need for action on so many fronts.

So maybe you find yourself run down and tired at the end of the day. Maybe you find yourself on autopilot. Or perhaps you are cranking up the speed to stay ahead of the next change.

Wherever you find yourself, I know how much people depend on you.

When we are committed to creating positive community change, connection, inclusion and love in our work lives and at home, we are tasked with offering up our time and attention to others.

Your team needs you. Your coworkers need you. Your friends and family need you. People depend on you to show up every day and make space to plan and strategize with them.

Everyone needs to be seen and supported.

I know that when I am already at my max for energy and capacity figuring out just how to offer myself up can be a real struggle.

I promise you – you can have the energy you need and stay connected with people on your team (and in your life) at the same time.

Here is a simple checklist that can help you stay connected and be supportive of your team WHILE feeling less stress and more energy.

Before you dive in – take a grounding breath. (Inhale, exhale.) The key is simple, small, consistent check-ins with yourself and others. It just requires you to slow down a tiny bit.

How is your own energy and capacity? What are you doing to boost your own capacity? Once you’ve given yourself a boost – you will experience more energy to do the work of supporting others.
Where can you carve out specific time out in your day for your own breathing room, and space for the people on your team?
What everyday practices can you build into your workflow and conversations that allow you and others to understand each other better and communicate more readily?
What open-ended and curious questions can you add to your repertoire that force you to slow down and listen deeply? (For example – “Can you tell me more about that?”, “Do you have ideas for what you want to try next?”)
(For example – “Can you tell me more about that?”, “Do you have ideas for what you want to try next?”)
What simple actions can you (and others) take that actively demonstrate your support for your team and what structures can you build to allow your team members to support each other?
What consistent gestures can you offer that weave in appreciation, acknowledgment and celebration with your team?

(P.S. If you don’t work with a team sub out the word “team” for any person or small group of humans you are in a relationship with.)

Want a more detailed guide? I made one just for you here.

You’ll find that teamwork is more effective when people feel actively seen, acknowledged, and supported. As a leader, both you and your team will experience increased creativity, vision, and willingness to take risks once you take the time to tend to your team. You’ll encounter less harmful, unaddressed conflicts because trust, relationships and communication allow issues to surface.

Over time, well-tended teams become more efficient and build capacity to problem solve, generate new ideas, and take on more responsibility… which eventually frees up your own energy.

When we are tired or pushed to the limit, we can miss the opportunities to nurture our relationships.

Take good care of yourself and find one easy way to check in with your people.

How to stay open when you are ready to shut the conversation down

November 24, 2020

My throat tightens and my neck and shoulders pull in toward my back.
She says to me again, “I am wondering if we can talk more about what just happened?”

Everything quickens, my mind jumps, and I think, “What did I do? What is wrong?”

I begin to feel nervous and a bit ashamed.
I do not like feeling ashamed.
And I know for me nervous often leads to anxious.
I do not like anxious… I want this feeling to end quickly, now.

I blurt out “oh I know, I know… I didn’t mean to” before she has even finished her second sentence.
Whew that took care of that – now we can move on!

Or another time… my heartbeat quickens, my face flushes hot.
This person is telling me their opinion and whoa are they so wrong!
“Oh no you don’t,” I think… “you have no idea… you do not understand the reality of the situation in the least.”

I jump in and interject my opinion, explaining the correct way, of course!

And they fly back with an even hotter remark about the way we see it. Game on!
Or they clench their jaw and stop talking. And I have won.

These could be hypothetical examples of moments when we lose our cool, are about to receive tough feedback, or hear a viewpoint that is completely different than ours.

However, they are not hypothetical for me – both instances happened in the last four weeks.

You may relate.

My quick response to protect myself from feeling anything does not help anything change nor does it lead to better relationships.
I am working at not going into these states of behavior immediately.
I try to slow down and stay open.

When I can stay open, non-defensive and listen, I can:

deepen my connection with colleagues,
develop the muscles to stay in moments that are uncomfortable,
learn that I can become a more aware & empathetic version of myself.

Here are the steps I take in the middle of a challenging conversation to stay open.

(Oh, did you miss part 1? Check out this video about why we shut conversations down.)

I made a downloadable guide just for you (and me) – with the steps I use to stay non-defensive when the conversation gets sticky.

A few of my favorite resources are in the guide too!

May we all deepen our ability to engage in rich, fruitful, world changing conversations with each other.

Why we shut down when the conversation gets difficult & what to do about it

November 19, 2020

There is one skill I am using more than any other in this time of Covid, US elections, & racial justice movement building, and no it is not bread baking (although Elino and I are making a scrumptious focaccia these days).

The skill I continue to need is “how to stay open & non-defensive during a difficult conversation.” I need this skill to maintain relationships with those I love, and to work toward change through long Zoom calls.

Staying open and non-defensive is not always easy for me.

I continue to learn, practice, fail, & try again.

I keep trying to change how I show up because I believe if I can be open and non-defensive, I will hear more, learn more, and be a part of bridging the divides in understanding that exist in our world & nation (instead of creating more of them).

I believe this is one of the most important skills for being in loving relationships, building a high-functioning, honest team, and moving toward racial, climate, & economic justice.

I am excited to share what I do and the resources I use to deepen this skill!

Start here with a video about why we usually shut down when the conversation starts to feel hard. And what you can do before you are in a tricky conversation so you have the ability to stay open when it gets heated.

Next week be on the lookout for part 2 with tips for how to stay non-defensive while you are in the middle of an important conversation, plus amazing resources I love, and a cheat sheet!